Discipleship for Everyone: What's the Goal, and Who Should You Focus On?

In his excellent book Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love, Ed Welch reminds us of a simple, yet profound, fact. The church exists to build up one another. The word routinely used for this is discipleship.

Often this has been understood as a weekly one-on-one meeting where an older believer teaches, encourages, or keeps a younger person accountable. Of course, this is discipleship, but that's not the only form that discipleship takes. In fact, it should be happening every time Christians get together, especially on a Sunday morning.

Discipleship is the process of helping others follow Jesus. This includes evangelism, one-on-one meetings between Christians, home Bible studies, sermon preaching, song selection for corporate praise, and many more. Ed's book reminds us that an important, though often overlooked, form of discipleship should be happening in the course of fellowship.

Two church members are speaking on a Sunday. The conversation begins, "How was your week?" More often than not, the answer is something along the lines of, "Yeah, it was good. Yours?" Discipleship did not take place. The person asking the question often does not actually want an honest answer, and the person asked hardly ever gives an honest answer.

But what if things were different? What if the question was seeking an honest answer and the one asking was ready to rightly respond to whatever answer was given? What if the answer to the question was honest, even if that meant acknowledging challenges and struggles in life? And then what if the conversation wasn't filled with more niceties, but with encouragement from Scripture, prayer, and follow-up later in the week?

Now isn't that discipleship? Of course it is. And our churches should be full of it.

But there is another form of discipleship that is also intentional and is worth mentioning here: when a mature believer takes it upon himself to help younger believers grow in their faith.

This is the kind of discipleship that Aquila Initiative envisioned when we developed our One-Year Apprenticeship: pastors and elders taking believers under their wing to help them mature in their walk with Christ.

Here are some thoughts about this form of discipleship:

1. It should be exclusive

At first glance, this seems completely wrong. But hear me out: this form of focused discipleship is not for everyone.

The rule of thumb is to look for FAT Christians: Faithful, Available, and Teachable. In my experience, this is a foolproof litmus test that will save a lot of heartache and frustration.

For example, if you want to host a small group of men on Monday nights, it's useless to invite a man to join who only works nights. He may be a faithful man who is humble and teachable, but he's not available.

Or there may be a man who's available on Monday nights and also teachable, but he hasn't shown himself to be faithful with the things entrusted to him. He won't show up to your meetings, and you'll end up wasting time reminding him about your meetings, encouraging him to show up, etc.

Or there may be a guy who's faithful and available, but you know that he's unteachable. If he joins your group, he's merely going to prove to be an annoyance and get in the way of others learning.

Small group discipleship is not for everyone. There have been men that I wanted to join, but I knew they couldn't. I've invited one man because I didn't want him to be excluded, but I ended my invitation with the words, "You're invited, but I want you to turn me down. You don't have the time for this." Lord willing, his time will free up later.

Remember, focus on FAT Christians. They will grow the most and will multiply discipleship the way it was intended.

2. It should be intentional

Discipleship should always be intentional. It doesn't happen by accident.

You expect your pastor to study the Word diligently and think about the needs of the local church before he stands in the pulpit to preach. If you are about to set out on a small-group discipleship journey, you are expected to be intentional.

The first thing to determine is the end goal. Is it a healthy marriage, conquering a particular sin, or learning a ministry skill?

Begin the first meeting by defining what the goal is. "You are here at point X, and we want to see you move to point Y."

That discipleship trajectory then sets the tone for each meeting. It determines what you are preparing before each meeting, what homework you give them, what passages of Scripture you will study that day, and so much more.

Being intentional ensures that your meetings are purposeful and that movement toward the specific goal is likely.

3. It should be time-bound

Finally, I strongly believe that small group discipleship should be time-bound. In other words, from the first meeting there should be a plan for how long this process is going to take.

"We will meet to discuss this issue for 3 months."

"I can commit to meet 5 times."

"We'll meet until the summer break."

Statements like these ensure that the meetings are purposeful. Of course, things can change; new understandings of their needs can increase the time required. But the point is that you will need to move on to someone else. There is always someone you can be intentional with.

It is good wisdom to not meet endlessly with anyone. This gets in the way of their maturity, just as spoon-feeding a child forever will prevent them from becoming mature.

If you are interested in small group mentoring, let me encourage you to learn more about our One-Year Apprenticeship. It provides you with all the material you need to mentor one person or a group of people toward greater maturity.

To learn more about discipleship, listen to our podcast on the topic here.